If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
