Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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