I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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