I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Acid is not a monday night drug
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
