Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
