Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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