when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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