New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
