Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
