hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
