Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
