this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
