Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
