omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
