he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
