He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
