im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
