Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
