can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
