Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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