I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
