hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
