due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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