Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
