I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
