Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
