3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Even my vagina gasped.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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