I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
