can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
