Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
