I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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