the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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