I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
