The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
