When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize