i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
