I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
only you would photoshop your dick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
