listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it glows. i had to have it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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