I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
