I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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