I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
