I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
