Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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