he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
