girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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