i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
as a side note pls kill me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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