im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
