I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
