i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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