ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who died my cat blue again?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
