dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
