Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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