I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
