I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I love you.
Bad choice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
