fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
