Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
