How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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